Two Coffee Dates: Part Two

We both shared stories and asked questions. She told me how she grew up in a home where her mother wouldn’t watch any movie that was R-rated. Of course, we agreed that there are some really good movies that are R-rated. I listed off Lethal Weapon, Braveheart, and then she brought up Fight Club. It is kind of funny because in some weird way I think my heart kind of jumped. The movie is so good because it has so much depth. So, we both talked about our love for the movie and I told her how bad I wanted to read the book.

Our conversation went on from there, talking about family a bit and college life. I told her a bit about some pranks I tried to pull in college until I figured out that while I had a limit, my roommates did not, so I decided pretty early on to accept their pranks but not retaliate lest I be thrown into a never-ending and escalating battle.

What I didn’t tell her was that I did secretly try to think of ways to get them without them knowing: I considered itching powder on their bathroom towels or putting ex-lax in their water or milk (we didn’t share our beverages).

It's SONIC fast!

Honestly I was having such a good time but after an hour I was waiting for the lull in the conversation, much like the lull that happens when you are chatting with someone online or on the phone. I find it is better to try to end the conversation at this point that to carry it on any further, especially when you are just getting to know someone.

So, we decided to part ways and I walked with her outside. As we were walking in separate directions, I let her know that I would be interested in seeing her again. She seemed genuinely happy and told me she would like that. Now, I know realistically that she may have been nice because I put her on the spot; however, I am going to send her a message tonight anyway.

Even if she declines a date, I would totally be fine being friends with her. It has been so hard to meet anyone up here and sometimes this whole online dating thing leaves me with an odd taste, like if we don’t fit, even if they are cool, we just toss that person out of our life.

Maybe it is the introverted part of me, because I only develop a few close friends, so it hurts when they leave and I also hate the idea of investing so much energy into someone only to have it become nothingness. Still, any relationship takes two people, so we will see where things go.

I sometimes think about how arduous this process is, messaging females, barely getting responses for so long, getting rejected, yet trying to remain hopeful. However, I do think rejection from someone you barely know is really a lot less intense than one who is already a friend.

In addition, it is odd that as I have met more females in the last six months than in the last few years. I feel like I am coming to a point in my life where I have to become comfortable being single. For so long I desired someone. It is ironic that now I am putting myself out there. I kind of feel like I am happy with this personal growth but meeting up and going on dates, while progress, do not mean relationships, marriage, or children.

I feel like life and/or God is showing me that I have to be ok with myself where I am at now, that if I cannot be content with who I am, I am never going to be truly happy with someone else. And if I never end up meeting someone, if my focus is purely on finding that person, I will end up sad and depressed and alone.

Therefore, I have been more intentional lately about my faith, my conversations with God, and looking for ways to be more involved at church. I feel like God is doing something in me, helping to make me a better man; yet it isn’t as if I am already changed but like I in a longer and drawn-out process that is happening over time, as small changes are happening. I hope to continue this progress.

~ Single Me

Edit: Female Number Two never did reply to my request for a second date... but this is the way of things I suppose. Still, I press on...

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Two Coffee Dates: Part One

Anyone reading this, who knows me, is aware I don’t actually drink coffee, so it was really two hot chocolate dates; however, that title didn’t seem catchy enough.

This week, seemingly with a throw of the proverbial dice, I was able to meet with two females. I will call them female one and two. Female One lived outside of town, so I drove to meet her at a Tim Horton’s in a small town. As I waited I started to get the feeling the rough truckers and day laborers were looking at me with my polo shirt and dress pants, wondering what I was doing in their town. I certainly felt out of place.

I waited for what seemed like an eternity for her to arrive, even though it was only a few minutes. Ladies have a real skill at coming in three to ten minutes past the meet up time. There has to be some book that tells them exactly how to do these things, small things, that make us wait and can drive men a little mad, just ever so slightly.

She came in, we shook hands, and said hello. Before we even made it to the register she pulled out her wallet and took out her card. Apparently, I didn’t have to question one bit if she expected me to pay or if she wanted to split. She is a Resident Director for a woman’s dorm with a background working in youth camps; however, over time all the traveling got to be a burden and she wanted something more stable. Like so many others, she had a difficult time finding a job, so, like myself, she found herself moving out of state and a little far from family.

She was nice, at one point trying to correct herself, even though I told her she had no need to apologize, that it was fine. Why do females apologize so much? I actually find is amazing and sad. What, in our culture, makes females feel sorry for the silliest things that they have no need to apologize for? Is it that females are nicer than guys or are they conditioned to be submissive, so saying sorry a lot comes with that conditioning?

We had a good time chatting and later the next day I messaged her to see if she wanted to go on an official date. I was going to offer to pay but wanted to see if she was interested first. A day later she replied that she did not desire a date but wouldn’t mind being friends.

Now, I always want to take people at their word, and since I am a stranger to her, I don’t know why she would feel the need to say this to "ease my pain" so I told her I would enjoy being friends actually (which was true). However, I did put the ball in her court to message me sometime to chat or maybe get together. See, in the past (See my Dating Series) I would always keep trying to contact females who said they wanted to be friends but obviously they did not, so now I've changed my method. Now I think it is perfectly reasonable that the one who did the rejecting should be the one to extend the hand of friendship, not the one who was rejected.

Then today, yes, just a few hours ago I met Female number two. I know, I should really come up with fake names, right? Anyway, from the moment I met her she smiled and well, she was FUN. Female number one was nice but was almost so intellectual it was like she couldn’t really laugh or enjoy herself, it made her pretty intense, like there was a wall between us in our conversation.

This was different…

Different you say, How so?

~ Single Me

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Reasons Being Single (and Living Alone) Is Not Cool

(01) You (Still) Have To Think About Dating.

What are the rules again? Expectations?
Someone slay me now. I don't like this game.

You still read articles or books on dating,
Your friends are reading about marriage enrichment and raising children.

Looks Like He Really Has To Go!

(02) You Don't Have Anyone With Whom To Share Your Life.

You post photos and statuses online and try to feel connected.
You still write blogs, even though it isn’t cool anymore.
You call people to talk but they just seem disinterested in your life.

(03) You Wake Up In Silence.

No, "See you later."
No, "Hey, how you doin?" (in a Joey, from Friends, voice).
No, "Oh your car won't start. Let me take you to work honey."
No, "Oh, you feel sick, let me take care of you today."

(04) You Come Home To Silence.

No, "So, How was your day?"
No, "Let's watch a movie."
No, "Let's go to learn to swing dance."
No, "Lets steal the space shuttle tonight and be the first to get to mars."

This is Houston: Please Return our Shuttle.

(05) No One Sees The Kind Things You Do (And You Don't Want To Brag).

Did you see me let that guy go before me, even though I had the right-of-way?
Did you see me hold the door open for that mom and her child?
Did you see me light that bearded mans cigarette?

Thanks Man. You Rock.

(06) You Get Bored On Weekends And Consider Getting A Second Job.

Extra Money is good, right?
I might need it for future dates.. or student loans!
I might meet someone at another job.
Or I might be too busy and tired to date with a second job.

(07) You Better Yourself But Feel You Are Not Increasing Your Odds.

If I am witty, then they will notice me.
If I am skinnier, then my fat won't matter so much.
If I keep eating meat, vegetarians will not ask me out. There is one win!

Those Veggies Never Saw it Coming!

(08) You Lose Friends Who Get Married.

I got an invite to the wedding. Sweet!
I go and give presents.
Then I stop hearing from them... Priceless.

(09) You See Family And Friends Having Children.

You start feeling your life is one, no - two, no - lots of steps behind everyone.
Life isn’t a competition.
But Rays kid just took his first poo on the toilet (and he just posted a pic).

(10) You Actually Consider Adopting.

You feel you have love to give, but not outlet.
But then having a child seems like a lot of work for open person.
And really expensive.

(11) You Have No Outlet For Your Cheesy Romantic Side.

Roses are Red, My Life seems Blue,
If you go out with me,
Then I will be going out with you too!

See, I'm a natural!

(12) You Feel Like Dates Are Interviews And Wish They Were Fun.

What is your name?
Where did you go to school?
Where were you on April 21, 2029?
Did you really steal a space shuttle with your ex-husband? Cause that’s crazy!



(13) What's Easy For Others Seems Increasingly Difficult For You.

Oh, so you met when you were in High-school... College... Grad school.
Oh, we met after I dated lots of girls and she dated lots of guys.
We met after years of rejection and sad stories.
We met after I accepted that Tina Turner was not my soul mate.
And Burt Reynolds wasn’t actually her ideal match.

(14) You Have Tried, Or Are In The Process Of, Dating Online.

I should do online dating.
I shouldn’t do online dating.
My friends suggested I try.
My friends met through online dating.
My friends just got married after dating online.
Maybe I should try online dating.
I should try online dating.
Ok, answering the first question: Now, who the crap am I?

(15) You Get How Single’s Throw Themselves Into Their Careers.

Young You: Go for the Girl.
Forget your career. Love wins.

Older You: Go for the career.
She will reject you. Money is useful.

Older Older You: Go for the career and date long distance.
You've now got Skype and Facetime! It could work, right?

What do you think?
What things do you dislike about being single?
Do you live alone or with friends/family?

Are you a single parent?
What additions do you have?

~ Single Me

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Can Single Men Be Vulnerable?

Part of me wanted to argue that all men in our culture are in a terrible catch -22, in which they are encouraged to share their feelings, to be sensitive; however, men are also expected to be tough and not cry. While I do think this is a valid point to make, I find myself considering the fact that many of these men do have the opportunity to be truly themselves with their significant other.

Where does that leave the single male?
Honestly, where does that leave me?

I find myself at a very perplexing place in my life. There are a few male friends I can confide in, whom I can be truly myself, with all my humor and seriousness, emotions and intellect; however, the vast majority of male relationships do not work this way.

Most male relationships may speak about things on the surface but do not go deep, they are more fixated on doing things, getting together for activities than sharing life, especially when it comes to expressing emotions.

I want to express my emotions.
I want to be open to someone who won’t shut me out.

So, then I should turn to female friends maybe, right? Females don’t mind sharing emotions. The only problem is that most single female friends have this giant wall up in front of them; so that when you start to open up emotionally they back off. I have seen it time and time before, whether I might be interested in a relationship or not, I feel I get close enough to a single female friend, open up, and then face the empty air between us.

There is a lot of empty space there.
Empty space filled with the void of words and emotions.
Words and emotions that are left unheard
Left unresponded to... Out there... In the void.

I suppose that leaves married female friends. But honestly, isn’t that just awkward? You can only communicate and open up so much. I don’t want to seem like I am coming onto them or trying to put a rift in their marriage. I have a few female friends who are married, but they stay pretty surface level. I always get the feeling they are less interested in my life than I am interested in their life anyway.

So where does that leave me?
Where can I express myself?

I suppose that leaves me here, writing words.

It leaves me trying online dating. It leaves me sending Facebook friend requests to new people, hoping they will respond and maybe we can connect. It leaves me trying to get male friends to open up. It leaves me trying to share with female friends hoping they won’t shut me out.

But I always have my words, blogs, pages I type and write by hand, as the thoughts and feelings flow. I suppose that is the place of my solace. In some ways seeing my blogs online, published, makes them not seem to leave me and feel they are stuck in the void. I hope in some way others will read, think, perhaps respond, and that mutual conversation will occur, not in fear or awkwardness but in understanding and connecting to one another.

So, here I am a single male, looking for ways to express all the parts and sides of myself, not all are sensitive but some parts are that way. I consider myself lacking boldness and yet I find myself pressing forward despite my reluctance. So, I will continue writing, trying to connect with others, even as messages may be left unanswered, phone calls or voicemails unreturned, and blogs left with zero comments. I have to believe I am helping someone, connecting with someone, even if it is only with myself.

~ Single Me

Dating Series 6 of 6: Follow-Up

Read Part 1: Here 

Read Part 2: Here 

Read Part 3: Here 

Read Part 4: Here 

Read Part 5: Here 

Read Part 6: Here

Dating Series Follow-Up

 

This is the last and final blog in this series. It has taken a while to come out. True, some of the reason for the delay was being sick this most of October; however, another part of it is that there are some parts of this follow-up I simply do not want to face. But lets start with some strengths.

Strengths

After writing this series I think a big strength of mine is showing emotional affection. In the past when I have liked a female I will normally express to her how I feel. Yes, my timing is not always quick; however, I think that is because I want to be sure I like someone before I truly start to pursue them. I don’t think it benefits me or the female if we rush into something.

I believe another one of my strength is that I am a much more mature person than I was in the past. In my life I try to make wise decisions, to be responsible, and to keep growing and learning. To be blunt, I think stability, responsibility, and wisdom are all good attributes in a future husband and future father.

Finally, I think I have depth. Certainly people who know me from work, church, friendship, or my writing know I have depth. All of those aspects are part of me, pieces of the whole. I am a complex individual and I do not like staying in the shallow end but diving deep into the depths of life, looking at complexities and different perspectives. To me, this is beneficial for anyone looking for a long-term relationship. I think a variety of interest keep the relationship going but also keep is from getting bored and stale. I also think it keeps both partners continually uncovering and finding new things out about the other person, for as one grows so does the other and visa-verse.

Challenges

On of my challenges (obvious to those who have read the series thus far) is encountering rejection. I think I avoid dating a lot more than I would have in the past because of the feelings of rejection. I believe when I first started dating I was very self-conscious because of my weight; however, now that I have lost one-hundred pounds, I am coming to the realization I may not be pursuing dating as much because of my fear of rejection.

I believe just like when we were children trying to figure out how to fit into culture when entering public school, how we would change things about ourselves and how we react or interact with others; I have done the same thing with dating. I feel I have put up walls in my heart and life that prevent me from being hurt, rejected, feeling pain; yet those very walls I have put up to protect myself as the very walls that now are keeping me from pushing forward.

Another challenge for me is mostly the opposite of rejection, which is being able to take risks. While being responsible is a strength I think it needs to be balanced with the ability to take risks. I need to be able to put my heart on the line again, to be willing to accept being hurt, not to say those are the only outcomes from risks but they are possibilities and probabilities along with the good. I can never get into and be in a relationship if I don’t take a risk, the first being to ask someone else out once again.

It shouldn't be this complicated…

And yet it is…

Ask anyone trying to date who isn’t merely looking for a fling.

Lastly, a challenge that might not have shown through is physical affection. I am not speaking of sex here, instead of I am speaking of putting my arm around a female, holding her hand, hugging her, and kissing. I know you are likely asking: What? You have never done that? Hugged yes, but very little, at least with people I have liked.

I feel one huge growth area for me is showing that physical affection when I am feeling an emotional connection. The reason think I have not done this in the past is that so far females have not expressed how they have felt about me until they have said we would be better as friends. I have a feeling looking back and talking to other females, that the lack of physical affection was likely a piece of that disconnect.

Therefore, while I need to take risks to ask a female out, I need to also take the risk of showing physical affection. Surely I shouldn’t rush too quickly but I think my pursuits so far as been pretty much void of physical affection. It was not that I didn’t think about holding hands, putting my arms around her, or kissing her. I did. I believe I was just uncomfortable being open in that way with someone who wasn’t expressing a reciprocal interest in me. If they reject my physical affection it may cut down on the time rejecting me takes or it may help her see how much I care about her and show her I feel more than mere friendship.

Looking back at dating,

What are your strengths and strong-points?

What are your challenges and places to grow?

Edit: I wrote this in October and as of November I have messaged and got some responses back online. I am actually meeting someone for coffee next week. So here we go again. I think the truest growth in this area is not giving up, knowing your past does not have to define you or your future, and to keep bettering yourself (An example is what I have done through my weight loss).

Stay strong readers and don't give up if your single.

If you are married, keep encouraging your single friends to not give up.

~ Single Me

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Dating Series 6 of 6: Meeting Others

Read Part 1: Here

Read Part 2: Here

Read Part 3: Here

Read Part 4: Here

 

Read Part 5: Here

 

 

These "interest" were so in and out of my life, that they don’t really have full stories of their own. But I still think some of the smaller encounter let us learn things and also help us to know we are still trying to move along, instead of staying stagnant.

The next two females I asked out I met at church a few years later. At the time I was no longer a part-time youth minister but instead was now working in retail and at a library, anywhere from 40-55 hours a week.

The first one was spunky but I found her extremely cute and attractive. She had a great sense of humor; however, when I tried to pursue her, she kept declining my request to hang out with lame excuses and asking me why we couldn’t just meet when our church class got together. Do I have to spell it out for you? I didn’t know her well enough to know if I really wanted to ask her out at the time. Looking back, I should have just asked her out.

Yes, my fear of rejection was all out now, making me play the hang-out game. But everything I read online told me to be suave, not let on that I was into her, and that if she liked me she would respond to be around me and if she didn’t than feelings we not, in fact, mutual. I friended her and defriended her pretty quickly on FB. Once I tried to pursue her, she was gone. So I left it at that. Goodbye spunky-cute person.

Oh how nice, someone left me a note...

The second one was also at church. I guess she had a boyfriend, but she never talked about him and I only ever saw him once, like months before I asked to hang out with her. I wasn’t really even sure if I liked her in that way, but I wanted to get to know her to find out. She did agree to hangout with me, but she refused it be anywhere near dinner-time. I guess dinner equals date, which in her eyes this was not (thanks Yoda! ha!).

Ask or Ask Not... There is No Try.

I tried to ask her out one more time and she made up some excuse, which I found out because when I asked her for a later date, she declined again and told me she didn’t like me that way. I respected the honesty and wasn’t really crushed at the rejection since I wasn’t sure if I even really liked her. I just thought it was so odd how females (at least from my experience thus far) will go so far to try to protect a guy from feeling hurt (or rather, Truth Alert: feeling bad themselves for hurting a guy by telling the truth).

So, after that I decided I was going to try online dating. I tried one site where only old ladies messaged me, which was pretty creepy. I even saw one old friend of a friend on that site, which I ignored because I wasn’t attracted to her (and that would be awkward). I then tried EHarmony. I signed on during one of their free weekends, which stunk because they don’t even let you see pictures. I ended up meeting one female who was nice, we became Facebook friends, but nothing more happened.

It's Perfect: You Want Love, I want to Money.

I pretty much hated EHarmony, because I refused to pay that much money for something that wasn’t even a guarantee. Just one month by itself cost $40. Don’t they know I am single and don’t have money? So I looked around online and signed up for OkCupid. I have probably messaged like over 100 females, some near and some far. I think I have maybe got like 8-10 responses, some of them I friended on FB and some of them just replied to tell me they were not interested. One female told me were too different and she was NOT attracted to me. I like direct, but maybe there is such a thing as "a little too direct."

Since I have moved and started a new job, I finally messaged other females on OkCupid. I got two responses, one rejection and one hi, who hasn’t replied again. I don’t really put too much stake in online dating. I really would prefer to meet someone in person, but especially with Christian females, it seems like they are pretty particular about relationships, who they go out with, and even being good friends with them usually seems to be off limits.

Honestly, I miss college and grad school. Other than church, it seems like online is my only way to meet females in my age range. Still, despite my past, I still have hope. I still think there is someone out there for me, not who completes me but who would fit with me, who I could share my life with and share her life as well.

While a lot of this may sound like a slight rage against females and women. It is not. I am sure the other side has just as many stories about their confusing and complicated relationship with men as well. The truth is it hurts, being single makes things hard, makes life confusing, confusing from a lack of something and the remembrance of all the rejections.

I think clinging onto hope is important.

Without hope I think we only fall into despair.

Have you tried online dating? What has been your experience?

What lessens have you learned from your past dating experiences?

Has your past with dating help or hinder you going forward?

~ Single Me

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Dating Series 5 of 6: Meeting Sandi

Read Part 1: Here

Read Part 2: Here

Read Part 3: Here

Read Part 4: Here

Dating Series 5 of 6: Meeting Sandi

Note: Names have been changed.

I really liked Sandi a lot, though sometimes her humor and taste in movies confused me. But let’s start at the beginning…

Things with Chloe happened my junior year of college, for the next few years I didn’t really have anyone I wanted to date. I also think this was when I started to be more worried about rejection. Even though the second one didn’t hurt as much as the first, I felt like putting me out there would end up having similar results.

Instead, I put my energy into doing well in college and keeping in shape. I really loved playing racquetball. I was also involved in lots of groups on campus... And I have to admit, with only one year left of college, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to pursue a relationship.

So, I waited a few years, keeping my eyes open but trying to protect myself. That is when I met Sandi. I was really taken with her from the beginning. I still remember the first time I saw her. I was in graduate school at the time, entering my second year. We both met in the winter at a mutual friend’s house who had invited her to meet some of us, since she had just started her first year at grad school. I tried to play it cool but from the moment I saw her, I wanted to get to know her. There was something about that brown-haired woman with that cute nose that drew me in... So I began my quest.

Fencing Anyone?

In the beginning it was little things, I would stop and talk to her in the hallway. I friend-ed her on Facebook, then found out she was rarely even on Facebook. Of course, right? I tried to sit near her in class or chapel. I liked being around her and we became friends. Looking back now, I think asking her out then would have been a better plan. However, I let my fear of rejection lead me, so I kept the friend thing going instead of being honest about my feelings.

Honesty can be hard.

At some point I got up the nerves to ask her for her phone number on Facebook. When she replied with her digits I was ecstatic. I literally jumped up and down while playing the song I Got Your Number by Petra. I am such a dork. That same day I got a FB friend invite from Jessy, you know, that first confusing relationship. I added her as a friend but didn’t really care to talk to her at the time. I was too excited about new possibilities to worry about the past.

Summer changed everything.

I was at the point where we had hung out, talked on the phone, sat next to one another in class, and I walked her to her car. Sounds like we are going out, right?

I was such a fool.

One night we were hanging out at her apartment, since I lived in the dorms, watching Secret Window and Bruce Almighty. We chatted a few hours after the movies and while I was walking out I turned. I couldn’t hide it anymore; I felt too much to let it go anymore. I told her I liked her and wondered if she would like to go out on a date with me.

One of the Best Movies You've Never Seen...

She was surprised, which kind of made me surprised and confused. We had been spending so much time together, what had she expected? Do your normally act this way with friends or boyfriends?

She told me maybe, that she would get back to me.

The next day she told me yes, but it came with stipulations, which should have been a clue to me this wasn’t going to end well. I was too in the zone to figure it all out then though, but looking back it was already there.

We went out on our first date. I bought her flowers, she straitened her hair, and we went to go have Chinese food (her favorite) and saw The Incredible Hulk.

I Still Cannot Decide which is better: HULK with Jeniffer Connolly or Liv Tyler

At this point my feelings were all out. I was so excited she said yes and this was happening. However, one date doesn’t make a relationship and I knew I had to ask her out again... and that started the rub, the eventual decline of everything that had culminated.

After out first date, I shortly after asked her for a second date. She said she wanted to take things slow, to get to know me more before we had a second date. I agreed and we had about a month just hanging out with one another as friends before I started to get a little on-edge. I had been down this road before and I didn’t want to be strung along again, always near but not near.

I finally asked her what she felt for me and she said she needed time. Time. Always time, the neglect of answers, the not knowing, it all drove me nuts. I was trying to start a new semester at seminary and couldn’t process all these feelings and thoughts.

It was too confusing and I didn’t like being confused. I didn’t like all the questions flowing through my brain: Is she attracted to me? Is she stringing me along? Is she trying to spare my feelings? Will our friendship be broken? What will this mean for our circle of friends? Has she even actually told any of her friends we went on a date and have been hanging out or has this all been some big secret?

When you are a thinker, you cannot stop those questions. They WILL keep you up at night, causing you lack of sleep. She used classes as an excuse to keep blowing my question off until later, until later. Well, she finally "broke up" with me after about a month. I was crushed. I was at work in the library, checking my e-mail and Facebook when I saw her message. I started crying in the middle of work. Thankfully, no one else was around and I was able to keep myself together enough to finish my shift.

I cried that night.

I had to force myself to eat for two days.

Then I tried to figure out how to be friends with her, because she had, like all the others, said she wanted to still be friends. But what did that mean? Hadn’t all the others said that and then nothing ever came to fruition? I was so confused. She knew some of my past and how I did NOT want to be told the friend line unless it was true.

In her case, I think she wanted it to be true, but she didn’t know how to go about it either. I think it made her feel awkward to be around me. If she had told me that, it would have helped but she full-on ignored me unless we were hanging out in a group.

After a few months I knew we were not going to be together, but I also knew we were not going to be friends. I do think she tried, though I don’t feel she tried as hard as I did... and I think part me still hoped if she saw how great I was as a friend, that she might reconsider me as relationship-material.

I was wrong.

She stopped talking to me completely.

I asked for my movies back, which took two months for me to get.

Then our last connection and tie to one another was gone.

I had gone through the end of this relationship/friendship my last semester in seminary. Tried to save the friendship but finally let it go the winter/spring after graduation, as I was jobless and had a lot of time on my hands. I also moved in the same apartment complex as her after graduation (It was cheap.. what can I say). She actually lived only a few doors away from me, but the door was shut.

I deleted her from my phone...
... and then from my Facebook.

The Way is Shut...

None Shall Pass!

A few times I saw her through mutual friends, but those mutual friends moved away and so she began to fade into my past and from my memory. I think she moved a few times after that. I am still not really sure why she rejected me. We never had that conversation. So, I am still not sure whether she rejected me because she didn’t find me attractive or because she didn’t want to be that open and vulnerable to someone else at that time. One doesn't always get the luxury of answers to such questions.

Have you ever been in a relationship that ended with no reasons or goodbyes?

Why do you think it is so difficult to be friends after the failure of a relationship?

Do you think it is really ever possible to "just be friends"?

~ Single Me