tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1617587460049997457.comments2015-09-14T12:38:23.114-07:00Single MeUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger48125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1617587460049997457.post-83838451290602888652015-09-14T12:38:23.114-07:002015-09-14T12:38:23.114-07:00Tiffany, I feel the same with some friends. Ironic...Tiffany, I feel the same with some friends. Ironically, sometimes I feel friends online get me more than people I meet in person. I want to be happy being single but I'm not, and I'm not happy dating either. I too hate when I send out heartfelt messages, for me, I think to guys it comes across as "not manly" and to females as "I want to date you" or if married, "be weary of my friendship. But I do keep trying just a lot less than I was previously.<br /><br />I will keep you up on that offer should I need a listening ear and I dont mind listening either, just so ya know. Thanks for reading and commenting, its good to know this speaks to someone and also I am not the only one out there dealing with such issues.<br /><br />Thanks,<br />Single Me...https://www.blogger.com/profile/06103435759220839291noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1617587460049997457.post-25103300433683491632015-09-14T12:30:50.655-07:002015-09-14T12:30:50.655-07:00Thanks Tiffany!Thanks Tiffany!...https://www.blogger.com/profile/06103435759220839291noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1617587460049997457.post-83253233107984566012015-09-12T13:14:50.304-07:002015-09-12T13:14:50.304-07:00Dan, (can I call you Dan? Or is Daniel preferred?)...Dan, (can I call you Dan? Or is Daniel preferred?) I love you for everything that you've put on the line. Everything that you've shared is shared by millions of people. Singles are often swept under the rug or assumed to be happy being single. Personally, I am. And with every rejection I deliver I feel lower and lower. I could jump into dating feet first, enter love into someone else's life and solve their most immediate desires. But where will that leave me and where will that leave them? When the relationship crumbles because there was no spark to begin, little desire in it, that only leaves heartache and a much deeper, more emotional rejection. Something that was thrown in my face recently in a much different way from you. I want to hug you, to pray with you, to help you through this difficult time in life, but I don't know how to be there for someone from 2000 miles away. Sometimes, when I send the most heartfelt messages online, the only thing I feel is emptiness in those words. Because they're just words on a screen and we crave the human touch, voice inflections, and presence. I hope you are doing well and that you are comfortable reaching out to me when you crave a friendly ear at the end of the day.<br /><br />PS - the Catholic church is similar. Nothing for singles to bring them together. At least in my own parish.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02843490019234255233noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1617587460049997457.post-38197146001339662032015-08-30T12:35:27.176-07:002015-08-30T12:35:27.176-07:00I agree with your stance on this although it sadde...I agree with your stance on this although it saddens me to hear. You are not stopping looking, simply stopping pursuit. And I can respect that. I can fully admit that I am uninterested in dating, more focused on myself and my own growth at the moment. It feels good to do it and I'm not sorry where I am. I hope you find peace in your endeavor.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02843490019234255233noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1617587460049997457.post-71145953926294718622015-07-07T18:42:32.373-07:002015-07-07T18:42:32.373-07:00Indeed, I dont want an audience to be thought of a...Indeed, I dont want an audience to be thought of as great but moreso just to maybe be heard, understood, for others to say "hey, me too". I hear similar stories from others but they are hidden behind the veils everyone puts on and its hard to get behind the curtain of others. People are (over)protective and I feel myself getting that way too. I hate small talk but the deep thoughts I have right now arent really how you start a friendship.<br /><br />Honestly, I feel I have been trying way to hard. I've been looking back on some friendships and realize I was always the one initiating things. It has become exhausting to me, especially now having two jobs. Trying to keep up with everyone is crazy. I'm sad I haven't kept up with you as much as I want or others. I dont think it is that I want to throw old friends away because of distance but that I want friendships with people I can see and hang out with in-person. It's just that most of my attempts at friendships or dating have flopped and after spending so much energy, FB or off-line, I am just tired. I am still going to put myself out there some but might get back into reading more. I do have a huge stack I want to get through. Maybe I need that time away. Maybe I need to let others have the time to contact me, instead of always contacting them. I have more on my next blog I plan to post here soon. I think the last few months my trying so hard and not getting results sent me to a dark place and I am trying to relax and hopefully start to pull myself back out. and I will readily admit some of me is pretty pissed, ticked off, and bitter towards God. I feel like I follow God and some things work out, like me getting a job in this state far from home but then I've been here for two years and dont have any best friends (almost had one but he got married and they hang out with couples now), or even really good friends. Perhaps there is something to be said for letting go, to stop trying sop hard all the time... and then maybe find balance between not trying at all and wearing myself out. I dont think God is ignoring me or I "should" get something for following him but after trying for so long, it just makes is very difficult and it is hard to express those thoughts and feelings to others, especially if I dont want them running way.<br /><br />Thanks for your comment Nathan!<br />~Single Me...https://www.blogger.com/profile/06103435759220839291noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1617587460049997457.post-36060245428511957182015-07-07T14:54:10.222-07:002015-07-07T14:54:10.222-07:00Long time no talk/comment. :)
I'm glad you re...Long time no talk/comment. :)<br /><br />I'm glad you read the book and hoped it was helpful for you brother. A few random thoughts for my response..<br /><br />You're writing online is courageous; however blogs/FB/Tweeter are wasted spaces for affirmation, which is what I often seek when sharing on these. Great verse for me to remember before I share - <br /><br />“Beware of practicing your righteousness before other people in order to be seen by them, for then you will have no reward from your Father who is in heaven.<br /><br />2 “Thus, when you give to the needy, sound no trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may be praised by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward. 3 But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, 4 so that your giving may be in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you.<br /><br />But then, you knew that : )<br /><br />I was visiting my folks this past weekend in Katy and I heard someone call it Fake Book. I do admit I only post happy thoughts (Happy Gilmore) online, but did open a little bit more once I started blogging. Of course its only the good stuff, but I think my friend's sentiment is one possibly grounded in bitterness and not being able to celebrate for others. <br /><br />The white horse quote from Brene Brown was my favorite and I used it when talking about marriage, dating and pornography to friends of mine.<br /><br />Online tools (not me) should only help strengthen your day-to-day, face-to-face relationships. Maybe they can help keep you connected to friends from your past, and this is no commentary on our relationship, but I have let go of many "old" friendships so I can develop new ones. <br /><br />I look forward to more of your story. Keep sharing friend. Nathanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11934912127129245260noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1617587460049997457.post-67835947908523827762015-07-04T07:57:57.421-07:002015-07-04T07:57:57.421-07:00I know who you are Nataly! ;) :)
I want to believ...I know who you are Nataly! ;) :)<br /><br />I want to believe vulnerability is courageous, it just never ends up feeling that way (same things for bravery), most it feels more like a weight... unless someone reciprocates what you say or do in some way. To me, I feel often (besides comments to this post) vulnerability is ignored, pitied, or people find is cause for grave concern. Sometimes it might be but other times I think it should be valued, and the hope is that others might reciprocate so we can all just be more of are authentic selves. I feel like there is a lot people have to hide in order to be "acceptable" in our culture and in our world.<br /><br />Well, I always enjoyed your writings. I'd say I could relate but to be honest, I've never been seen naked by a female nor seen a woman naked in person myself. And in some ways I think its good I haven't put myself out there, or guarded myself, in that respect emotionally (physically and spiritually as well) while other times it feels like waiting "for the right person" for so long gets terribly frustrating. I find I keep asking God for good friends and a relationship (future wife) but for the most part these things keep getting denied.<br /><br />All the friends I do have that seem to care about my life are online or in Texas. I am grateful for these friends but it is difficult with distance. But, as Ive been pretty busy with work lately, Ive decided to cut back on dating and putting so much effort into making new friends. Perhaps it would benefit me more to invest in those friends I already have, even though they might be far away and spend my free time relaxing and working on myself.<br /><br />Thanks for much for reading and commenting Nataly,<br />More blogs to come! :)<br /><br />~ Single Me...https://www.blogger.com/profile/06103435759220839291noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1617587460049997457.post-22867835116332101752015-07-04T07:43:26.089-07:002015-07-04T07:43:26.089-07:00I tried to reply to this at work on my break and t...I tried to reply to this at work on my break and the blocker blocked my comment and I didn't save it, so here is another attempt, lol<br /><br />Yeah, I figure maybe with friends in person, you know who your true friends are by who is with you through the struggle and through the joys. I suppose it is good to remember there are levels to friendship and, to me, most "friends" on Facebook are not very deep. I guess the impression when you see thier pictures, joys, and status updates is that you both know eachother and I think this lends one to expect more out of the friendship than what is there. Even then, I try to remember that one is proved by their actions and not their words, so when people say they want to be friends but make no effort, my effort should be the same towards them. I just hate investing in people, then feeling like it meant nothing when effort is not reciprocated anymore.<br /><br />Essentially, I am having to learn to care less, to invest in myself first and then into others who truly do things to reciprocate friendship and getting to know me as a whole person.<br /><br />Thanks for the comment Tiffany!<br />~ Single Me...https://www.blogger.com/profile/06103435759220839291noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1617587460049997457.post-11212241172908642762015-07-02T11:38:23.979-07:002015-07-02T11:38:23.979-07:00this is Nataly btwthis is Nataly btwShimmerBodyCreamhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06487327652356438575noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1617587460049997457.post-66364220109725208872015-07-02T11:36:52.123-07:002015-07-02T11:36:52.123-07:00This is a very good post, because we all struggle ...This is a very good post, because we all struggle with it. Vulnerability is a courageous step. It's easy to be brash and closed off, but vulnerability is terribly hard. So many people admire veneers over reality, we even start to believe veneers are reality. Not being vulnerable protects us, but being vulnerable frees us. I totally understand not wanting to post writings. That is the most naked you can possibly be. I've been naked in front of hundreds of people by now, but I still won't even let my therapist read what I write without much distress.ShimmerBodyCreamhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06487327652356438575noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1617587460049997457.post-50098328049129399712015-07-02T08:56:14.375-07:002015-07-02T08:56:14.375-07:00I agree. A lot of people like to sit back and watc...I agree. A lot of people like to sit back and watch the train wreck, instead of rushing to help those in need. I never share when I am hurting, because the important people know. The ones who can stomach it can see it in my face when we meet. I think seeing anyone suffering is difficult for most people. That's why we turn the channel when we see the starving kids in Africa commercials, or the wounded animals. Heck, even the Farmers Only dating site commercials. It's strange to accept vulnerabilities after seeing only strength from people. I also think that the people who read without commenting simply don't know how to respond. It's a delicate situation and to me, saying simply that I will say a prayer for your healing sounds so empty compared to something that might actually be able to help you.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02843490019234255233noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1617587460049997457.post-53650147020844335062014-06-30T16:29:42.929-07:002014-06-30T16:29:42.929-07:00You are right, but its so odd because sometimes I ...You are right, but its so odd because sometimes I have to distinguish between my pursuit of a relationship and make sure it isn't above my pursuit of God and Jesus Christ. I know I have come close to making dating an idol. Not to mention, online dating really makes you devalue the individual more when you keep thinking about the masses of possibilities out there. Thanks for reading and commenting Summer!<br /><br />~ Daniel B....https://www.blogger.com/profile/06103435759220839291noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1617587460049997457.post-82031628741611681922014-06-30T16:20:45.754-07:002014-06-30T16:20:45.754-07:00I totally agree with you about the waiting thing. ...I totally agree with you about the waiting thing. You're right, many articles do suggest playing the waiting game and God will bring you his perfect match (especially for women) but, quite honestly, I think that is bad advice. We DO have to pursue things to make them happen. That's life. Like you said, your job didn't just come from waiting around and praying (although of course we should pray about things). I think it's great that you're in a place where you're ready to actively pursue a relationship. There's nothing wrong with searching for what you want - it doesn't mean you don't trust God. It just means you're cooperating with him :)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1617587460049997457.post-92211420159338365052013-10-19T19:15:23.917-07:002013-10-19T19:15:23.917-07:00It is challenging sometimes to even find someone w...It is challenging sometimes to even find someone who is appealing in that way. With my location and lifestyle, anyone I meet is paired up, drugged up, or old enough to be my grandfather. I too miss school, where I was surrounded by people whom I could casually get to know and who mostly had similar attitudes and goals. I did consider a dating site, but I feel like on those, one really needs to be able to "market" oneself, and that's just not something I can do. I did meet my second boyfriend on Xanga, though. He was only 16 years older than me.<br />I've learned that telling a guy upfront that you won't sleep with him doesn't make him stop trying. I've learned that, if a guy says he loves me and I say he doesn't, I should listen to myself. And I have learned that giving a guy a chance doesn't mean I should fully invest myself in a relationship I don't truly believe in.<br />I've been too ill of late to even consider dating again, but I may review the subject if this latest course of treatment works.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1617587460049997457.post-11162028165799452232013-10-02T18:23:48.402-07:002013-10-02T18:23:48.402-07:00No particular story, I just have written a lot of ...No particular story, I just have written a lot of letters and am pretty transparent, even when I think I'm being discreet. In or out of a relationship, my intensity tends to scare people. Just last week, someone commented on a piece of my writing, "I still feel it would be intense to have you as a lover. You have such strong emotions. I would feel you might use up all those feelings long before they should be."Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1617587460049997457.post-92053465480298259732013-09-29T06:09:24.986-07:002013-09-29T06:09:24.986-07:00Sounds like you had more than one story about writ...Sounds like you had more than one story about writing letters... what happened?<br /><br />I do think if you are in a relationship it is a good idea; however, expressing such deep feelings before I think really creeps others out. Luckily, for me, I think writing poetry helps me get out those emotions... I just make sure not to post them publicly or it would kind of defeat the purpose of not creeping someone out with all of those intense, inner feelings one might have about the other.<br /><br />~ Single Me...https://www.blogger.com/profile/06103435759220839291noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1617587460049997457.post-46201318045016076362013-09-28T21:05:10.473-07:002013-09-28T21:05:10.473-07:00Oh, those letters! They do seem like a good idea,...Oh, those letters! They do seem like a good idea, but there are so many things now that I wish I had never put into writing.<br />I agree about deleting people with whom you never speak. I ordinarily do that with anyone who isn't actually related to me. It means I only have 68 "friends," and that makes it much simpler to sort through my newsfeed.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1617587460049997457.post-76580586622116748942013-09-25T23:01:26.829-07:002013-09-25T23:01:26.829-07:00Haha For sure. I've been guilty of it myself...Haha For sure. I've been guilty of it myself, though, and didn't realize it until too late. It's so hard to see your situation from inside of it.<br />I used to try to get guys to have crushes on me because I wanted them to be friends with me and figured my only shot at that was to blind them with infatuation. Child logic.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1617587460049997457.post-88569669983261858232013-09-22T14:17:37.121-07:002013-09-22T14:17:37.121-07:00Yeah, I didn't write about it but towards the ...Yeah, I didn't write about it but towards the time of fall break she was talking to this other guy. He looked odd to me but was really country, which I think she liked. Later, when we were still talking, she realized he was clingy and told me he was always following her. I laughed in my mind, because he wasn't doing anything differently it was merely her perception. Funny how our perception can make us blind to somethings and overly creeped out by others but in reality, everything is the same.<br /><br />Yeah, that is really odd when it is someone you like or might like and they are using you to talk about or try to get with someone else. In the words of Full House - "how Rude", right?<br /><br />http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lnjql7m1vi1qafrh6.gif...https://www.blogger.com/profile/06103435759220839291noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1617587460049997457.post-40383132544327451922013-09-21T20:13:29.595-07:002013-09-21T20:13:29.595-07:00Goodness, that sounds painful and confusing. It&#...Goodness, that sounds painful and confusing. It's so hard knowing, sometimes, what we want and what we're willing to try with someone. <br />I had a friend kind of like that in and after high school. We would talk online or on the phone until the wee hours. I wasn't really that into him because I was hung up on someone else, but I probably would have gone out with him if he asked. I had thought for awhile that he liked me that way because he asked me to a celebration that no one else from school went to, and he didn't always bother correcting people when they referenced me as his girlfriend. Nothing ever happened, though, and then we ended up fighting over the fact that he never wanted to get together with me, but he was kind of crowding my best friend and would always talk to me about how beautiful she and several other girls were. I accused him of only wanting to spend time with the pretty ones and he told me I needed to reread my Bible. He died before I got to speak to him again, and I still miss him.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1617587460049997457.post-10114566625441981652013-09-21T18:41:36.934-07:002013-09-21T18:41:36.934-07:00Yes. He was tired of me, he just couldn't sta...Yes. He was tired of me, he just couldn't stand to be rejected. <br />Oh wow. That happens quite a bit, but that's incredibly fast! I don't understand people like that or what they think it is going to accomplish to emotionally blackmail someone into being with them. Very strange.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1617587460049997457.post-55381553659907579272013-09-16T06:54:36.537-07:002013-09-16T06:54:36.537-07:00Yeah, age does not always equal maturity. So odd h...Yeah, age does not always equal maturity. So odd he was ok when it was him who broke up with you, instead of the other way around. I guess he was trying to get back at you or something. Reminds me of a time I was younger and was at youth camp. One of my female friend started going out with this guy and then she tried to break up with him. He said if she broke up with him he was going to kill himself. All this happened within one week. I thought the whole thing was crazy. I cant believe people try to blackmail people into keeping a relationship.<br /><br />~ Single Me...https://www.blogger.com/profile/06103435759220839291noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1617587460049997457.post-92137491830838154162013-09-14T21:16:01.121-07:002013-09-14T21:16:01.121-07:00I grew up in youth group, too, and man they would ...I grew up in youth group, too, and man they would have said worse things about me than they did if I had dared lay against a guy like that!<br />I'm glad it made you feel needed, though. I think that's important.<br />My best friend in my teenage years was a guy who had a crush on me, but I insisted on ignoring the signs and talked constantly about what I was going through with my crush. I was such a jerk, but he is very happily married now and has 2 utterly adorable children whom I spoil as often as I can afford to make up for my past insensitivity.<br />The first guy I dated was over a year younger than I was--may have had something to do with our difficulties. The other guy I dated was 14 years older. I think he was actually less mature than the first one. I kept trying to break up with him, but he'd cry or say he should have known no one would really care about him. Finally he broke up with me so then he felt ok about it.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1617587460049997457.post-73227076671772522442013-09-13T02:20:32.889-07:002013-09-13T02:20:32.889-07:00Well, (1) I actually have the whole series written...Well, (1) I actually have the whole series written... I just have to edit it and put it online. I really didn't feel like editing 10 Pages at once when I finished writing, ha! so I couldn't write it for you if I wanted to (unless I did it all over) ;) (2) I thought maybe I advertized it in a manner that maybe made it seem like it was going to be different. (3) Thanks for you kind response! I did maybe take it as a critique, which was unfounded (obviously). As you will find, sometimes because of my struggles not wanting to be "rejected", in jobs or relationships, I find myself constantly "aware" of things that might be rejection and can be/have been wrong in my perception/interpretation of an event or conversation. Why this is an issue will become obvious though this series.<br /><br />And yes to your expereince. I am sorry you had to go through that. This is why I value honest and good communication so much between people, friends and/or romantic relationships. The females I were interested in all told me they wanted to be friends but were very good at ignoring me in-person and online.<br /><br />~Single Me (And I did change my thumbnail. I am trying to be more generic since I run four blogs through my blogger account/profile)....https://www.blogger.com/profile/06103435759220839291noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1617587460049997457.post-62026569268486963222013-09-12T19:31:00.555-07:002013-09-12T19:31:00.555-07:00Oh, it wasn't a criticism! You are not under ...Oh, it wasn't a criticism! You are not under the least obligation to meet my expectations. My mother is very loving, but she believes that being honest means saying whatever you're thinking, constructive or not. I'm trying to break myself out of doing the same. :/<br />There were signs for quite some time, but every time I questioned him about it, he insisted it was nothing and would then do something extra sweet to reassure me. I still have a hard time letting go of the questions. He told me he still cared about me so much that he hoped he never saw me again. That didn't really work out for him since he lived a block from me and we went to the same church for the next 3 months, but he and his family were all very good at pretending I wasn't there. I still wonder what I could have done to warrant that.<br />Don't worry about pleasing me! I am interested in whatever you choose to write. I don't need drama. I simply find people's motivations to be the most telling part of any story.<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com