Saturday, January 4, 2014

Reasons Being Single (and Living Alone) Is Not Cool

(01) You (Still) Have To Think About Dating.

What are the rules again? Expectations?
Someone slay me now. I don't like this game.

You still read articles or books on dating,
Your friends are reading about marriage enrichment and raising children.

Looks Like He Really Has To Go!

(02) You Don't Have Anyone With Whom To Share Your Life.

You post photos and statuses online and try to feel connected.
You still write blogs, even though it isn’t cool anymore.
You call people to talk but they just seem disinterested in your life.

(03) You Wake Up In Silence.

No, "See you later."
No, "Hey, how you doin?" (in a Joey, from Friends, voice).
No, "Oh your car won't start. Let me take you to work honey."
No, "Oh, you feel sick, let me take care of you today."

(04) You Come Home To Silence.

No, "So, How was your day?"
No, "Let's watch a movie."
No, "Let's go to learn to swing dance."
No, "Lets steal the space shuttle tonight and be the first to get to mars."

This is Houston: Please Return our Shuttle.

(05) No One Sees The Kind Things You Do (And You Don't Want To Brag).

Did you see me let that guy go before me, even though I had the right-of-way?
Did you see me hold the door open for that mom and her child?
Did you see me light that bearded mans cigarette?

Thanks Man. You Rock.

(06) You Get Bored On Weekends And Consider Getting A Second Job.

Extra Money is good, right?
I might need it for future dates.. or student loans!
I might meet someone at another job.
Or I might be too busy and tired to date with a second job.

(07) You Better Yourself But Feel You Are Not Increasing Your Odds.

If I am witty, then they will notice me.
If I am skinnier, then my fat won't matter so much.
If I keep eating meat, vegetarians will not ask me out. There is one win!

Those Veggies Never Saw it Coming!

(08) You Lose Friends Who Get Married.

I got an invite to the wedding. Sweet!
I go and give presents.
Then I stop hearing from them... Priceless.

(09) You See Family And Friends Having Children.

You start feeling your life is one, no - two, no - lots of steps behind everyone.
Life isn’t a competition.
But Rays kid just took his first poo on the toilet (and he just posted a pic).

(10) You Actually Consider Adopting.

You feel you have love to give, but not outlet.
But then having a child seems like a lot of work for open person.
And really expensive.

(11) You Have No Outlet For Your Cheesy Romantic Side.

Roses are Red, My Life seems Blue,
If you go out with me,
Then I will be going out with you too!

See, I'm a natural!

(12) You Feel Like Dates Are Interviews And Wish They Were Fun.

What is your name?
Where did you go to school?
Where were you on April 21, 2029?
Did you really steal a space shuttle with your ex-husband? Cause that’s crazy!

(13) What's Easy For Others Seems Increasingly Difficult For You.

Oh, so you met when you were in High-school... College... Grad school.
Oh, we met after I dated lots of girls and she dated lots of guys.
We met after years of rejection and sad stories.
We met after I accepted that Tina Turner was not my soul mate.
And Burt Reynolds wasn’t actually her ideal match.

(14) You Have Tried, Or Are In The Process Of, Dating Online.

I should do online dating.
I shouldn’t do online dating.
My friends suggested I try.
My friends met through online dating.
My friends just got married after dating online.
Maybe I should try online dating.
I should try online dating.
Ok, answering the first question: Now, who the crap am I?

(15) You Get How Single’s Throw Themselves Into Their Careers.

Young You: Go for the Girl.
Forget your career. Love wins.

Older You: Go for the career.
She will reject you. Money is useful.

Older Older You: Go for the career and date long distance.
You've now got Skype and Facetime! It could work, right?

What do you think?
What things do you dislike about being single?
Do you live alone or with friends/family?

Are you a single parent?
What additions do you have?

~ Single Me

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