Thursday, November 14, 2013

Dating Series 6 of 6: Follow-Up

Read Part 1: Here 

Read Part 2: Here 

Read Part 3: Here 

Read Part 4: Here 

Read Part 5: Here 

Read Part 6: Here

Dating Series Follow-Up
This is the last and final blog in this series. It has taken a while to come out. True, some of the reason for the delay was being sick this most of October; however, another part of it is that there are some parts of this follow-up I simply do not want to face. But lets start with some strengths.


After writing this series I think a big strength of mine is showing emotional affection. In the past when I have liked a female I will normally express to her how I feel. Yes, my timing is not always quick; however, I think that is because I want to be sure I like someone before I truly start to pursue them. I don’t think it benefits me or the female if we rush into something.

I believe another one of my strength is that I am a much more mature person than I was in the past. In my life I try to make wise decisions, to be responsible, and to keep growing and learning. To be blunt, I think stability, responsibility, and wisdom are all good attributes in a future husband and future father.

Finally, I think I have depth. Certainly people who know me from work, church, friendship, or my writing know I have depth. All of those aspects are part of me, pieces of the whole. I am a complex individual and I do not like staying in the shallow end but diving deep into the depths of life, looking at complexities and different perspectives. To me, this is beneficial for anyone looking for a long-term relationship. I think a variety of interest keep the relationship going but also keep is from getting bored and stale. I also think it keeps both partners continually uncovering and finding new things out about the other person, for as one grows so does the other and visa-verse.


On of my challenges (obvious to those who have read the series thus far) is encountering rejection. I think I avoid dating a lot more than I would have in the past because of the feelings of rejection. I believe when I first started dating I was very self-conscious because of my weight; however, now that I have lost one-hundred pounds, I am coming to the realization I may not be pursuing dating as much because of my fear of rejection.

I believe just like when we were children trying to figure out how to fit into culture when entering public school, how we would change things about ourselves and how we react or interact with others; I have done the same thing with dating. I feel I have put up walls in my heart and life that prevent me from being hurt, rejected, feeling pain; yet those very walls I have put up to protect myself as the very walls that now are keeping me from pushing forward.

Another challenge for me is mostly the opposite of rejection, which is being able to take risks. While being responsible is a strength I think it needs to be balanced with the ability to take risks. I need to be able to put my heart on the line again, to be willing to accept being hurt, not to say those are the only outcomes from risks but they are possibilities and probabilities along with the good. I can never get into and be in a relationship if I don’t take a risk, the first being to ask someone else out once again.

It shouldn't be this complicated…
And yet it is…
Ask anyone trying to date who isn’t merely looking for a fling.

Lastly, a challenge that might not have shown through is physical affection. I am not speaking of sex here, instead of I am speaking of putting my arm around a female, holding her hand, hugging her, and kissing. I know you are likely asking: What? You have never done that? Hugged yes, but very little, at least with people I have liked.

I feel one huge growth area for me is showing that physical affection when I am feeling an emotional connection. The reason think I have not done this in the past is that so far females have not expressed how they have felt about me until they have said we would be better as friends. I have a feeling looking back and talking to other females, that the lack of physical affection was likely a piece of that disconnect.

Therefore, while I need to take risks to ask a female out, I need to also take the risk of showing physical affection. Surely I shouldn’t rush too quickly but I think my pursuits so far as been pretty much void of physical affection. It was not that I didn’t think about holding hands, putting my arms around her, or kissing her. I did. I believe I was just uncomfortable being open in that way with someone who wasn’t expressing a reciprocal interest in me. If they reject my physical affection it may cut down on the time rejecting me takes or it may help her see how much I care about her and show her I feel more than mere friendship.

Looking back at dating,
What are your strengths and strong-points?
What are your challenges and places to grow?

Edit: I wrote this in October and as of November I have messaged and got some responses back online. I am actually meeting someone for coffee next week. So here we go again. I think the truest growth in this area is not giving up, knowing your past does not have to define you or your future, and to keep bettering yourself (An example is what I have done through my weight loss).

Stay strong readers and don't give up if your single.
If you are married, keep encouraging your single friends to not give up.

~ Single Me

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