Saturday, December 21, 2013

Can Single Men Be Vulnerable?

Part of me wanted to argue that all men in our culture are in a terrible catch -22, in which they are encouraged to share their feelings, to be sensitive; however, men are also expected to be tough and not cry. While I do think this is a valid point to make, I find myself considering the fact that many of these men do have the opportunity to be truly themselves with their significant other.

Where does that leave the single male?
Honestly, where does that leave me?

I find myself at a very perplexing place in my life. There are a few male friends I can confide in, whom I can be truly myself, with all my humor and seriousness, emotions and intellect; however, the vast majority of male relationships do not work this way.

Most male relationships may speak about things on the surface but do not go deep, they are more fixated on doing things, getting together for activities than sharing life, especially when it comes to expressing emotions.

I want to express my emotions.
I want to be open to someone who won’t shut me out.

So, then I should turn to female friends maybe, right? Females don’t mind sharing emotions. The only problem is that most single female friends have this giant wall up in front of them; so that when you start to open up emotionally they back off. I have seen it time and time before, whether I might be interested in a relationship or not, I feel I get close enough to a single female friend, open up, and then face the empty air between us.
There is a lot of empty space there.
Empty space filled with the void of words and emotions.
Words and emotions that are left unheard
Left unresponded to... Out there... In the void.

I suppose that leaves married female friends. But honestly, isn’t that just awkward? You can only communicate and open up so much. I don’t want to seem like I am coming onto them or trying to put a rift in their marriage. I have a few female friends who are married, but they stay pretty surface level. I always get the feeling they are less interested in my life than I am interested in their life anyway.

So where does that leave me?
Where can I express myself?

I suppose that leaves me here, writing words.

It leaves me trying online dating. It leaves me sending Facebook friend requests to new people, hoping they will respond and maybe we can connect. It leaves me trying to get male friends to open up. It leaves me trying to share with female friends hoping they won’t shut me out.

But I always have my words, blogs, pages I type and write by hand, as the thoughts and feelings flow. I suppose that is the place of my solace. In some ways seeing my blogs online, published, makes them not seem to leave me and feel they are stuck in the void. I hope in some way others will read, think, perhaps respond, and that mutual conversation will occur, not in fear or awkwardness but in understanding and connecting to one another.

So, here I am a single male, looking for ways to express all the parts and sides of myself, not all are sensitive but some parts are that way. I consider myself lacking boldness and yet I find myself pressing forward despite my reluctance. So, I will continue writing, trying to connect with others, even as messages may be left unanswered, phone calls or voicemails unreturned, and blogs left with zero comments. I have to believe I am helping someone, connecting with someone, even if it is only with myself.

~ Single Me

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