Monday, October 5, 2009

Stuff on My Mind

So, in a few months it will be a year since I graduated and have been living on my own. Some of it has been horrible, many times it has been quite depressing, especially trying to look for a job and trust God. Still... I do not think I would trade it for anything, for it has taught me things about myself, it has strengthened me and made me depend more on God and less on myself. I have been through so many things with jobs, not just finding a normal job but also in my ministry interviews. Right now I am kinda just going with the flow and if a church isn't interested in me... I don’t really care, sure there are some things I can do to maybe make myself presentable, make my answers more concise and meaningful but I will not compromise myself or how I view ministry. I think many churches want the guy in a suit with a family and kids - this is simply not me (maybe a suit if I get paid enough to buy one that is, lol). Many churches want to hear about your great plans to grow their youth and get non-churched youth and parents and families involved - what they do not want to hear is that it may not work (which I have seen a lot from in my limited experience and talks with other ministers). The church needs to focus more on disciple-making and less on numbers & evangelism - Trust me, if you make disciples, true disciples -they will share Christ naturally and it won’t be in bulleted outlines but with their life-stories and their hearts, they will shine before men because Christ has changed them, not because they read a prayer off of a card and got dipped in water some time in their past.

I have also been thinking a lot about relationships lately, sure I am single and like any single person that kinda makes me feel down sometimes but hey, I am a good guy and have a lot to offer - there just hasn’t been anyone who has given me enough time to see the real me. I regret only that I haven’t found someone so far to let that romantic side of me out yet, the side that I know is there. Sure I don’t have the dating experience that most have but I always thought it wiser to only date or consider dating girls I knew, ones who I was friends with, and could possibly see myself being with one day. Lame? Maybe, but it just feels wrong to do it any other way - I think a balance of emotional and intellectual, along with the physical attraction, and built on spirituality are fundamental.

I suppose one thing that has been bothering me, one thing that is seen throughout my notes this year, something I never came right out and said was that last summer I went on a date... I never wrote about it except maybe in generalizations, but we hung out for a while, went out on one date, hung out again, then later she told me though a message on facebook she didnt feel the same (FYI: Kinda ticked me off since I had the guts to ask her out in person). She said she wanted to be friends and what has happened is what normally happens, we may be friends on some kind of basis but it isn’t individual basis for whatever reason. I tried for a while and now have just given up... why do girls not know how to reciprocate in relationships, must the guys always pursue, always call, always go after - it gets annoying and frustrating. lol, and honestly I don’t know how females ever remain friends - how do they ever choose who calls who or what to do, because it seems like they are so indecisive and insecure. Sure I am speaking in generalizations, and this is not something they will talk about but it is there... at least from my limited observations…

Which gets me to my final topic - guys and girls being friends (who are single). Sure in grade-school and even in college this is acceptable in groups but individually it seems like guys and girls who hang out always date, they are taught that guys and girls just cannot be friends, one is always attracted and the other isn’t, or at least not at the same time and it messes everything up. However, once you start to leave college and enter a career or graduate school, if you are still single, this cuts your friendships down drastically. If you follow this logic you can only be friends with females in groups and so your only individual friends are male, which doesn’t leave a lot of socializing because (1) It is hard to get groups together and (2) everyone in their twenties seems to have insane schedules - this kinda goes with number 1 - so it is hard to get anyone together really.

So, this is stuff on my mind, kinda just all coming out in ramblings i suppose...
enjoy or do not enjoy - there is not try! lol

~ Daniel