Monday, January 15, 2007

Where is God in our Relationships?

I have been thinking a lot about relationships lately, about my friendships with people and sometimes lack-thereof. Sometimes i find myself obviously not friends with many of the female persuasion. I don't know why but after high school and some friends at church i haven't really had a lot of female friends. Maybe its because once i started to see myself in the dating age range, that i was now old enough - i found myself afraid and quite unexperienced. It is hard to deal with my conviction verses the convictions of the world. its hard to tell people that i have never dated or kissed a girl (and especially in high school where such a thing gets your attached to being a very possible homosexual). On the one hand i am sitting here and would love to pursue some relationship with an woman of God, yet i find myself wanting it to happen a certain way. I want me and this girl to be friends and not just some kinda random and awkward hookup. As i get older and older i feel myself wanting to date more and more, yet no one seems to be very interested. And it makes me feel like there is something wrong with me or that every girl has her own problems - maybe just wrong times and situations.

How am i supposed to know? how can i be for sure? Half of the time because of my self-image i feel like anytime i try to initiate a conversation or email or add comments to a girls myspace, facebook, or xanga that she thinks i am trying to stalk her. It is kinda ironic how almost every girl i know has had some stalker guy they talked about but guys normally don't - but i may be wrong, maybe its just me.

Why is it so hard for me just to initiate friendships? why is it so hard for a girl to call me or message me and want to hang out? I would totally love that if we were friends - just to hang out and be friends... if something more ever happened then cool, if not - then fine. Why do we make things in life so complicated?

The harder and more challenging part if where God fits into all this? Certainly i want God to be a big part of the relationship, waiting and not asking out random women is another thing... but how would i know if this or that girl is the one God really wants for me? How do i know if this relationship will glorify God or merely glorify my self?

well, this is the longest blog i have written in a while and will be on my xanga, facebook, and myspace. I don't mind comments on this - but i don't want to be told that it will be alright, that i should "date Jesus", or that all i have to do is wait. i know all the cliche phrases and believe most to be true, but they don't make me feel better. Its not like i'm completely depressed - i'm fine, pretty happy but just thinking and pondering.

Where is God in our relationships???

- Daniel