Saturday, October 19, 2013

Dating Series 6 of 6: Meeting Others

Read Part 1: Here

Read Part 2: Here

Read Part 3: Here

Read Part 4: Here
Read Part 5: Here
These "interest" were so in and out of my life, that they don’t really have full stories of their own. But I still think some of the smaller encounter let us learn things and also help us to know we are still trying to move along, instead of staying stagnant.

The next two females I asked out I met at church a few years later. At the time I was no longer a part-time youth minister but instead was now working in retail and at a library, anywhere from 40-55 hours a week.

The first one was spunky but I found her extremely cute and attractive. She had a great sense of humor; however, when I tried to pursue her, she kept declining my request to hang out with lame excuses and asking me why we couldn’t just meet when our church class got together. Do I have to spell it out for you? I didn’t know her well enough to know if I really wanted to ask her out at the time. Looking back, I should have just asked her out.

Yes, my fear of rejection was all out now, making me play the hang-out game. But everything I read online told me to be suave, not let on that I was into her, and that if she liked me she would respond to be around me and if she didn’t than feelings we not, in fact, mutual. I friended her and defriended her pretty quickly on FB. Once I tried to pursue her, she was gone. So I left it at that. Goodbye spunky-cute person.

Oh how nice, someone left me a note...

The second one was also at church. I guess she had a boyfriend, but she never talked about him and I only ever saw him once, like months before I asked to hang out with her. I wasn’t really even sure if I liked her in that way, but I wanted to get to know her to find out. She did agree to hangout with me, but she refused it be anywhere near dinner-time. I guess dinner equals date, which in her eyes this was not (thanks Yoda! ha!).

Ask or Ask Not... There is No Try.

I tried to ask her out one more time and she made up some excuse, which I found out because when I asked her for a later date, she declined again and told me she didn’t like me that way. I respected the honesty and wasn’t really crushed at the rejection since I wasn’t sure if I even really liked her. I just thought it was so odd how females (at least from my experience thus far) will go so far to try to protect a guy from feeling hurt (or rather, Truth Alert: feeling bad themselves for hurting a guy by telling the truth).

So, after that I decided I was going to try online dating. I tried one site where only old ladies messaged me, which was pretty creepy. I even saw one old friend of a friend on that site, which I ignored because I wasn’t attracted to her (and that would be awkward). I then tried EHarmony. I signed on during one of their free weekends, which stunk because they don’t even let you see pictures. I ended up meeting one female who was nice, we became Facebook friends, but nothing more happened.

It's Perfect: You Want Love, I want to Money.

I pretty much hated EHarmony, because I refused to pay that much money for something that wasn’t even a guarantee. Just one month by itself cost $40. Don’t they know I am single and don’t have money? So I looked around online and signed up for OkCupid. I have probably messaged like over 100 females, some near and some far. I think I have maybe got like 8-10 responses, some of them I friended on FB and some of them just replied to tell me they were not interested. One female told me were too different and she was NOT attracted to me. I like direct, but maybe there is such a thing as "a little too direct."

Since I have moved and started a new job, I finally messaged other females on OkCupid. I got two responses, one rejection and one hi, who hasn’t replied again. I don’t really put too much stake in online dating. I really would prefer to meet someone in person, but especially with Christian females, it seems like they are pretty particular about relationships, who they go out with, and even being good friends with them usually seems to be off limits.

Honestly, I miss college and grad school. Other than church, it seems like online is my only way to meet females in my age range. Still, despite my past, I still have hope. I still think there is someone out there for me, not who completes me but who would fit with me, who I could share my life with and share her life as well.

While a lot of this may sound like a slight rage against females and women. It is not. I am sure the other side has just as many stories about their confusing and complicated relationship with men as well. The truth is it hurts, being single makes things hard, makes life confusing, confusing from a lack of something and the remembrance of all the rejections.

I think clinging onto hope is important.

Without hope I think we only fall into despair.

Have you tried online dating? What has been your experience?
What lessens have you learned from your past dating experiences?
Has your past with dating help or hinder you going forward?

~ Single Me

Images: (1) 2 (3) 4 5 6

1 comment:

  1. It is challenging sometimes to even find someone who is appealing in that way. With my location and lifestyle, anyone I meet is paired up, drugged up, or old enough to be my grandfather. I too miss school, where I was surrounded by people whom I could casually get to know and who mostly had similar attitudes and goals. I did consider a dating site, but I feel like on those, one really needs to be able to "market" oneself, and that's just not something I can do. I did meet my second boyfriend on Xanga, though. He was only 16 years older than me.
    I've learned that telling a guy upfront that you won't sleep with him doesn't make him stop trying. I've learned that, if a guy says he loves me and I say he doesn't, I should listen to myself. And I have learned that giving a guy a chance doesn't mean I should fully invest myself in a relationship I don't truly believe in.
    I've been too ill of late to even consider dating again, but I may review the subject if this latest course of treatment works.