Friday, September 13, 2013

Dating Series 2 of 6: Meeting CJ

Read Part One: Here

Note: Names have been changed.

I met CJ in the eighth grade at church. She was fun, spunky, always so full of life, vibrancy, and had a great sense of humor. I still remember one time when the youth group was going watch a movie and the female’s vote won own over the guys, so we all had to watch "Sense and Sensibility". How highly democratic of us, right? Neither CJ nor I were thrilled with the choice so while the other females rejoiced and men bemoaned, we sat and talked.

Why anyone would choose one over the other is beyond me...

We did become pretty close. Did I mention that she was a sophomore and I was in eighth grade? I imagine if she was younger or I was older we might have gone out, but because I was in middle school and she was in high school it just didn’t really work (and the irony is plenty of female friends did go out with older guys, so maybe it was an excuse).

I remember there were times when, coming back from a youth group event or just relaxing, she would lay her head on my shoulder or rest it on my lap. Even though I was young, I enjoyed the feeling of someone being that comfortable with me and feeling that connection. I really was a little annoyed when the sponsor would tell her to sit up. I mean, it wasn’t like we were making out. It was nice. I liked feeling wanted. I liked physical affection from a female who wasn’t a family member.

As with all good things, after a few years CJ moved and I had no way to contact her. She moved a few times, family financial issues I think, and I never had her information to connect with her though phone calls or letters.

Looking back now, I think maybe she had clung onto me because I was a male figure who listened, cared for her, and didn’t "want" anything sexual from her. See, she lived with her older sister and mother who was divorced and single, her father being out of the picture completely.

Yes, I was attracted to her and if things were different I would have dated her (or at least tried), but I think I was a male who might have filled some of the emptiness she felt from her father being absent in her life.

I hadn’t heard of through of her for years until I spoke with her again online. She is now married and has wonderful family. She is also a bit more conservative than me, which is funny to me considering she always had a more outgoing and spunky personality than myself. People surprise you like that I suppose.

Have you ever felt like you were being used emotionally?
Have you ever dated someone older or younger than you?
What happened?

~ Single Me


  1. I grew up in youth group, too, and man they would have said worse things about me than they did if I had dared lay against a guy like that!
    I'm glad it made you feel needed, though. I think that's important.
    My best friend in my teenage years was a guy who had a crush on me, but I insisted on ignoring the signs and talked constantly about what I was going through with my crush. I was such a jerk, but he is very happily married now and has 2 utterly adorable children whom I spoil as often as I can afford to make up for my past insensitivity.
    The first guy I dated was over a year younger than I was--may have had something to do with our difficulties. The other guy I dated was 14 years older. I think he was actually less mature than the first one. I kept trying to break up with him, but he'd cry or say he should have known no one would really care about him. Finally he broke up with me so then he felt ok about it.

    1. Yeah, age does not always equal maturity. So odd he was ok when it was him who broke up with you, instead of the other way around. I guess he was trying to get back at you or something. Reminds me of a time I was younger and was at youth camp. One of my female friend started going out with this guy and then she tried to break up with him. He said if she broke up with him he was going to kill himself. All this happened within one week. I thought the whole thing was crazy. I cant believe people try to blackmail people into keeping a relationship.

      ~ Single Me

  2. Yes. He was tired of me, he just couldn't stand to be rejected.
    Oh wow. That happens quite a bit, but that's incredibly fast! I don't understand people like that or what they think it is going to accomplish to emotionally blackmail someone into being with them. Very strange.