Sunday, April 7, 2013

Men Who Cheat And Neglect

There is something I have wanted to write about for a while now, except I really could not find the words to express my discontent. For years now I have watched as female friends, close and acquaintances, have men treat them poorly. My guess is in the beginning these men charm them, spending their time and money, making females feel loved and worthwhile. However, as the relationship moves on in time, they begin to show their selfish intent and needs, whether it is merely desiring someone to have sex, do chores, or raise the children.

These men seem to be very individualistic and I cannot express how much it frustrates, annoys, and angers me that they would throw away a good relationship, relationships with such beautiful, enjoyable, intellectually stimulating, and humorous females. Here are the two main ways I see these men messing up their lives, relationships, and marriages.

(1) Cheating: From what I understand, men who cheat have a tendency to go on in an affair until they are caught. My understanding in this is that problems existed in the relationship and instead of working on good communication, trying to work on compromises and solutions, these men decide to look elsewhere for fresh meat. They are enamored with the idea of a new woman and new relationship. To quote a movie I watched once, "All new things eventually become old". Let that truth sink in a moment... The truth is these men will never be satisfied and the sad thing is they do not know this and neither do the females to whom they date or show affection.

As a single person, it really aggravates me that some men are not satisfied with one relationship but have to go looking for more and more. Yes, people have problems, but cheating will only make things worse, much worse, and unless both people get counseling (Together for couples counseling OR the man for why he cheats and the female for why she falls for such men) nothing will be resolved and the cycle is likely to continue.

(2) Neglect: Can I just say, men, I know some of you like video games, but when you spend so much time playing video games that you neglect your wife. I mean.. Are you kidding me? Do you really prefer a video game to your wife? I have known and seen some of your wives and there is no way I would neglect them for video games. You want challenge in your life? Try a real life challenge of being in a loving and challenging relationship with your wife, where you push one another to be better people. Try a relationship where you and your wife share interests and expand your life, becoming well-rounded individuals.

I know it is not only video games, sometimes it is work. If you have a work that requires you to work so much you are not at home and can be with your wife or kids (or are to exhausted to be with them) you need to look for another job. Yes, short-term this will make you very busy, but your family will appreciate that you are now busy trying to make more space and time for your relationships into the future, that you treasure and value your family, not merely seeing them as wall paintings in your home as you pass by each morning and night.

I know in the ministry this is a big one, because churches many times overwork their ministers. Sit down with your church and let them know you need boundaries for your family and your own sake. If you get fired for not being available, you might state at your resignation or firing that you would not neglect your family for your work, even if it was God's work.

Finally, if you would rather be working than be at home with your significant other, that is a whole other issue. It would be good to actually go home, work on better communication, and perhaps seek counseling as well.

I know I am a single guy saying these things and some men may say I don’t understand. I do understand relationships are complex and can become increasingly complicated over time. However, what I can say is that I hear the crying and hurting and yearning of females I know for men to truly be men, not because they are muscular or like sports or enjoy hunting, but because they know how to make commitments, take responsibility, and be a good boyfriend, fiance, or husband.

~ Daniel

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