Thursday, November 20, 2014

I Don't Believe in "The One"

How a Professors Words Changed my Thoughts on Dating & Marriage

When I was in college...
I remember the day my Old Testament professor said these words:
“I don't believe in the one.”


This shocked everyone: How could he not believe in finding the one? How could he not believe in love? He's married, right? Doesn't he believe in God's plan for us all? Especially this was astonishing and disconcerting to the females who asked: And how does your wife feel about this? The professor with a thoughtful yet stoic face replied that she knew and agreed.

Slowly a smirk and grin began to appear on his face. This is when he began to speak that, of course, he believes in love; however, we are ever-saturated by a world and media that shows us these exhilarating love stories, how two people meet in the most random way, at the perfect time, and both of course are super-attractive.

The problem is that none of that is real life. A real love story is complex, has layers. Love takes action, time, and wisdom to find and grow. It takes sacrifice. Real love desires but respects. It is something in our control and yet seemingly out of our control at the very same time. However, real love is always a choice. A choice we make each and every day one way or the other.

Indeed, love is formed from every choice made. Every new friendship made, every time you shake a hand or say hello; every invitation, message, and conversation you have is a choice, whether initiating or reacting. Any love, any bond; friendship, relationship or marriage is based on choice.

Then my professor made a point I have never forgotten. He said he believed there are many potentials of someone to love. There are many people you could fall in love with, connect to through physical attraction, intellect, humor, music, and faith.

He told us we would meet many of these people before and after getting married. However, when you walk with someone, get married, and make that commitment, and then journey with that person in life – then and only then does that person become the one, your one; you for them and them for you. Not based off fate or two half’s becoming whole but based on attraction, wisdom, friendship, choice, commitment, and the life-long bond that creates.

Then when you meet someone else who might know more, be more humorous, or even more attractive. You can appreciate these qualities but that person is not the one. The one is the person with whom you are married, committed, and faced life with through all of its highs and lows, obstacles and challenges, joys and celebrations. At one time meeting such a person, they might have been a potential one, now they are others; acquaintances and friends.

It is this truth, he said, that holds and bonds a marriage together and keeps temptations to go after others, to wonder what-if, and even to get divorced at bay. It's about choice, commitment, and a shared life – not finding the one. So, I don't believe in the one, he said...

You become one over time.

~ Single Me

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