Monday, September 1, 2014

On Building A New Community

I've had a mixture of feelings as of late when it comes to friendship, dating, and God. Sometimes I am pretty pissed at God, bitter that after all this time and how much I have sought after him I am still (feel) alone. Yes, mainly this is in regards to wanting a relationship but also with friendships, which I am making but still trying to build.

At my age you have your life set (sort of), but when you move you come into a totally different landscape, everyone you meet will have suggestions of things to do or people to meet, yet few take the time to get to know you, to invite you to do things. You have to be the initiator and as an introvert this gets very taxing on me.

I much prefer to be the guy who sees the new person and introduces myself and invites them to hang out with a group. I do not by any means prefer to be that new guy, especially if you don’t feel others are really taking time to get to know you. I feel this way in friendship and with potential relationships.

I have a few people I am glad to meet here but I have to initiate everything, which makes the friendships seem pretty one-side and lack that reciprocity I would prefer to have at least some of the time.

Sometimes I feel like I am using too much of my energy, trying to give out too much of myself, trying to tell my story to too many people... and I get little in return. I try to distract myself by watching movies, reading books, even playing computer games but the feelings of loneliness are there, of wanting to be wanted, wanting to be invited, wanted to be known.

Isn’t this all of us? I’m surprised how many of us feel alone yet shrink back into our abodes, our mediocre friendships, settling for less with people who don’t value or care for us... or at least not enough to seek us out more often and ask how we are doing.

How can we be so connected with one another and yet so very far apart is surprising. Why are we so prone to hide ourselves, to not let others see who we really are? But then, I feel like when I put myself out there I get smiles and well-meaning responses but rarely does it turn into action. Any relationship, including friendship, is built upon time, reciprocity, and trust.

Half of the time I want to ask people why they don’t respond or why they tell me about all these things to do around town but do not invite me to come with them. I want to know why they would see a person who is new and ignore them. I guess we all have our priorities, but then you find yourself on the bottom of everyone else’s list. You just begin to feel down and a bit depressed. You want more but can’t force relationships.

These last months I have begun to see how people who are single depend on God a lot more, especially for those single people who find themselves moving for whatever reason and having to start over again and again. They have to build new relationships, friendships, and communities every time. True, some do find this easier than others, because for some they just have those personalities that attract others.

For the others who are quieter and laid back, it can be extremely tough to find those friends, sifting through all the people, seeing who you connect with, and out of those who will spend time and reciprocate your feelings.

So, today for those of us who feel lost in that void, stuck in the middle. I want you to know that you are not alone. I am not alone. There are many of us who feel alone out there, while all these people pass us by everyday. Know my reader, that God is always there, that God has never left you. God is there right by your side and desires to know you and for you to know Him. People will fail, friendships and relationships will come and go but Jesus is there with you forever.

When you feel you have had enough, let Him know. When you find a new friend, offer God your thanks - but whatever you do, don’t simply give into those negative thoughts, don’t become a recluse, don’t shut yourself down, don’t retreat from others into your shell. Go out and shine your light. The people who respond to your light will be the ones who are worth spending time and fighting for... but as with everything, it will take time and effort.

May God give us perseverance, strength, patience until then…

~ Single Me

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