Friday, February 13, 2009

Courage to Continue

I think God is using this as a chance to break me, to make me yield and struggle through my insecurities about myself, as a young adult becoming more of a man and as a person with all these abilities and so many questions about where I fit in, where I will glorify him, and find my happiness.

Along with all of this, I have had more time to consider also what it means to seek out relationships, specifically trying to step out and find someone... of course that always begins with dating and the inevitable asking another person to hang out or the more direct approach of just asking them out on a date. I think the reason so many females find jerks out there is because the jerks are the ones who are always asking, they are the ones who are charismatic, and they are the ones with the great abs and flirty lines. I think most of the good guys, the nice guys, and the prime crop find themselves at a disadvantage because they are seen as less interesting, less fun, and less romantic. I think the truth is the opposite because the guy that seems less interesting likely has depths that you will never know because all you see in the beginning is the cover, is the facade.

For jerks this facade is their non-caring exterior, the way the suavely talk to you and the world melts away like butter as they say all the right things... but I think they are just hiding behind their real face that wants to find a girl but is scared to really open up. For the nice guy the facade is different, in fact, if they are like myself, they do not even want to have a facade but feel they are forced to do it to protect themselves. The nice guys are the ones who might desire friendship before a relationship; this is because they actually want to know you, to see if a relationship would work between the two. To guys it is logical and makes since that if you cannot be friends a relationship would never work. For females I think sometimes this concept gets lost in all the romantic books and movies they read & watch.

Do you or have you put on a facade, hidden parts of yourself?

Yes, when you find that person it will be special, it will be great but no one should ever expect it to be like the movies. In fact, the reason the story in real life is great is because it is real, it is your own story, unique to you and that other person. I do like some chick flicks occasionally but hearing the real stories of how people meet each other is so much more interesting.

Anyway, the nice guy is the one who is interested but wants to now if you are compatible, otherwise what would be the purpose. They never want to ruin a friendship but to make it greater and stronger than either could ever have realized perhaps. The problem with the nice guy is that the more they are rejected, unlike the jerk, the more they hold back, the more they are weary of opening up themselves, asking you out, holding your hand, or even giving you a hug or a kiss.

In the beginning of a relationship the guy is really as a complete disadvantage because the female who is asked out knows the guy is interested; however, the guy is mostly left in the dark knowing if she is interested as well. She could be going out just to have fun, to have someone who desires her to spend money on her, to figure out if she likes you that way, or she may really like you and already be interested but wants to know you more and see where this may go. Those are the options I think and guys still have the inability to mind read and know exactly why she says yes (and sometimes even exactly why she says no). This makes the first date awkward because unless she says something that reflects the actual fact she likes going out with you… a guy will have no idea what is going on and it will drive him insane. Does he ask her out again? Call her? The jerk would not worry about such things… but the good guy is left completely confused and will be until something is said either way.

All that to say, guys like honesty... you may think spending a few days trying to figure out how to let him down gently is good but a guy would just rather know now than being forced to wait. If you like a guy but do not want to seem needy, do not worry, you will not seem needy unless you call him multiple times each day. If you are confused, you could admit it to him and though this will leave him confused as well - at least he knows you are honest and trying to figure out things.

Do you think it is harder for guys or girls at the beginning of a relationship?

How do you think a relationship should begin/go?
If married, how did yours begin?

I have written entirely too much now... I think this was supposed to flow better than it did but oh well. I have just been thinking about this lately. Maybe cause me and some friends were talking and they (female friends) suggested I try online dating. This made me feel great... lol, because I had to admit that I already did. I just do not think it is the same as meeting someone in real life but maybe time and age will change my mind... Who knows? I do know this; females are not the only ones who dream of finding that special someone. Guys dream about it too, except we do not dream about romance as much, maybe the ability to be romantic, and the ability to express ourselves in an emotional way that is not appropriate for a single person except in a relationship. We dream of having someone there with us as we grow older, someone to go on trips with, to cook food for, to mow the grass for, and to sit and watch TV or movies with. Someone to be there in the late hours of the night and the early morning hours when it is dark and you feel the loneliest of all. Someone to share your hopes, dreams, to find your purpose in life with, and fulfill it.

Yes, guys think of it to but will usually not express such things to others. Why? It is because it makes us feel needy, makes us feel insufficient, and mostly because thinking about not having such things, perhaps for the rest of our lives, is something we would rather just not think about. We would rather play a game, watch a movie, play some sports, and go work out; because distraction is better than depression and because everyone wants to cling to hope, even if it may seem dimmer as time goes on. A person can and should put themselves out there but rejection hurts for all people and makes it more difficult every time to build up the courage once again to start the process with someone else, to take the risk, to put your heart on the gambling table of a relationship once again, to find out if it is rejected or accepted, whether it works or you are once again thrown into questioning yourself.

I pray for those who are singles, both male and female, guys and girls,
That we always may find our center in Christ Jesus
But that for those who are hurting, we would be healed,
For those who are doubtful God would grant us confidence,
And for those who have hidden themselves
God would grant us the courage and boldness
To open ourselves up to others and possibilities once again.

For those who are married I pray they remain thankful for one another,
Not taking their relationship for granted but loving and cherishing one another.
That they would thank God for their husband or for their wife,
That through a great miracle neither is alone.

May God grant us Courage and boldness
May God grant us peace and thankfulness
May God comfort us and help us to know who we are
May God comfort us and know he accepts us as we are

Your Brother in Christ
Along on this Journey

~ Daniel

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