Thursday, June 25, 2009

On Being Ignored and Situational Friendships

I feel like getting on my soap box. I thought as I got older my friendships would expand but it seems like friendships drop in and out of radar for no reason at all, among these the most are friendships with females, including the double-standard that comes in friendships with them specifically (do not worry, this is only part of this writing).

I don’t know what it is about friendships with the other gender but doesn’t it always seem more complicated, sometimes for no reason at all. Case 1: I got a message once from someone I barely knew though a friend who wanted to know if I was interested in being her date to a sorority thing. In all honesty, I was not attracted to her that much, call me shallow but hey, I have been turned down as well, so whatever... anyways, it wasn’t just that I was not attracted but I don’t really want to go on a date, especially a socially awkward one, and one where I feel inclined to dance and talk to a lot of people I don’t know (did I mention I cannot dance). I don’t know, going on a date because they can’t find someone and going on a date like that with someone I am not actually dating did not seem preferable. Anyways, so I thought I would wait a day or so and respond somehow. As a guy I want to be direct but not hurtful. Then I get a message from her friend whom I know asking why I haven’t messaged her back. WOH, HEY! How come when a female doesn’t get a response their friends are allowed to message me in complaint but when I do not receive a reply to a message or comment there is no one getting onto females for me. Not that I would want that, but it just seems unfair...

More generally, it is just annoying to me now because I consider people on myspace and facebook my friends, so when I message or comment and receive no reply, it honestly confuses me. Why are they still even my friend if they do not care to respond to me? Why are they even listed as my friend if they do not respond to me? So yeah, a few days ago I deleted a bunch of people, ones who I just never talk to and many of them were females who I would comment or message and they would never respond to me. It is so annoying and I have no problem deleting "friends" who do not associate with me, mainly because if we are not friends I do not care to act like we are. I am not into games or friendship politics... sure I give people chances but after so long I just tire of trying to reach out, trying to friends, after so long I just decide to say screw-it, they are not my friends.

Also, I have noticed there are those friends who are always friends on their own terms. You can try to talk to them, chat with them, call them, or plan things - but unless it is there idea or on their schedule they will not associate with you. This is annoying to me as well but I usually just respond when they choose to show up, though I sometimes wonder if I should... Sometimes friends like that make me want to say I am busy or tired. I just hate to feel like I am giving so much into friendships while some people only seem to take, then when they are done with your friendship, done with letting you fill some emotional void, done with their between times of other friendships, they just drop you and act as if you never existed, as if you friendship didn’t even matter, so annoying...

I mean, where is the quality in friendships when they just all seem to come and go... it is like you put all this time and quality into getting to know someone and then, it is as if none of it really mattered at all, it totally makes you feel rejected as a person… and as a friend. I suppose one could go for more shallow friendships, surely you would have more to do, but I have never liked quantity over quality. I guess situational friends and friendships just annoy me sometimes and then having to act like those people are still your friends when you see them again is almost humorous.

Well, lets be honest, a lot of those I am speaking about were likely deleted and so they will not read this. And another hint that the 50 people I deleted of facebook last week were not really my friends is that it has been almost a week and not one has messaged me or friend requested me, they do not even notice they are not my friend anymore - is anymore evidence needed?

So, if you are a person who gives a lot in your friendships then my heart goes out to you and if you are a person who takes, who goes from friend to friend, I would ask where the quality is in your friendships? Do you leave because you are bored? Do you leave because once people begin to know you, you get afraid or scared? Think about those friends who pour themselves into your life only to be left behind, how would you like that feeling? Maybe it even happened to you once?

May we all try to have quality friendships, may we learn to be givers more and takers less, and if we feel out of balance between the two, may we feel free to leave those friends who are not really our friends anymore and find freedom from that, a release of pressure and worry trying to reach out to someone who is already gone…

*Off the Soap Box* :.)
~ Daniel


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