Thursday, March 27, 2008

Merely Single or Dating Deficient?

[Rant On]

Personally, I find dating a horrible idea. ha ha. Why are we made to feel so awkward about getting to know another person? Why does dating or simply becoming friends seem more like an interrogation than beginning a meaningful relationship? Why does it feel like we have the right to be judgmental towards another instead of trying to understand anothers journey?

Now I am 25 and officially irritated at life, myself, and to be honest; sometimes I am even irritated at God. Ministry in the Protestant, especially Baptist, Church is not conducive to single ministers. In fact, I have heard it preached from Genesis once before that our purpose is to become man and wife. Thus, I am not fulfilling my purpose as a Christian, as a member of my church or in the Kingdom because I am single. (???) While this fact has disturbed me since I started college... What I find even more disturbing is that fact that I am still very single.

A long time ago, God laid it on my heart to wait... for dating or marriage or whatever. I knew and became convicted that dating someone meant that I saw potential in them for marriage and that that was something serious and not something to be so fickle and spontaneous about. Plus, to most females, it would likely make them run the other way. lol. Still, I have believed and still believe that the right way is to become friends with someone, to actually… I don’t know… maybe know something about a person before you start dating them. Learning some of their likes and dislikes, seeing if they have a sense of humor, and most importantly knowing if they have a similar commitment to Christ as I do. Not that we have to agree on everything of course, but that there are some issues going into a dating relationship and even later in perhaps marriage that would seem to be vital to a long-lasting and committed relationship.

What I have found out is that in the graduate-age level (Ages 22-30ish) there is not only a lack of knowing those around you who have crazy schedules to keep up with class and work; but to actually get to know almost anyone is tough in the first place.. and trying to get a group of friends together is almost impossible unless planned a month or more in advance.

None of this helps in making friends much less in seeking out possibilities of people to date. Actually, most of the time dating is not my concern at all, because I just do not have time for it nor do I feel as a Christian that my primary concern should be dating but seeking Christ in the first place. However, it feels like every two or three years there is another female who sparks my interest. Usually it ends quickly with "I just want to be friends"... the six words that tear into anyone’s heart like a cold knife (not that I know what that feels like but it sounds like a good expression to use here... ha ha). And like I would say no to be friends? But those six words are usually only a passive-aggressive attempt to get you off their back, out of their life, and tell you underneath that the both of you will no longer associate with each other because now things have gotten "weird" or "odd" or "different" or “whatever”.

Which brings me to my last paragraph (I promise). Finally, I bring to the forefront the concept of the rules or game of dating. The whole concept that dating or getting to know anyone should have a set or rules or should be played like a game of chess is not only irritating but I think provides us to promote false front around the person we are potentially going to date, but also toward those around us. Basically, it makes us into hypocrites and two-faced people; which I believe we should never be as Christians. I am just irritated at my whole situation currently. I find myself inside a box alone, a closed box, a box I have not defined but seems to define me. A box I feel I live in and yet cannot escape from. This box is called single and I am the only one inside.
[Rant Off]

Wait for the LORD;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the LORD. (Psalm 27:14)

~ Daniel

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