To say I was ever diagnosed with Body Dysmorphia would be incorrect; however, there were signs I was dealing with this, at my largest and smallest weight in different ways. My thought process before losing weight was that only people who were Anorexic or Bolemic would deal with this concept. In the end, it has to do with similarities regarding weight and a distorted mental perception.
When I was at 325-325Lbs there were times I would exercise 1-2 Hours trying to lose weight but I would be so sore from working out I wouldn't want to workout for days or even the rest of the week. Additionally, I would get hungry from the workout and then overeat the calories I just lost. Finally, when I wasn’t losing and would plateau, I would find myself eating more food cause I was simply so stressed trying to lose that I would just let go and give in to the hunger and cravings. I would weigh myself daily and be so disappointed when I wasn’t losing. This, of course, led to stress which would then feed the cycle of self-doubt, disappointment, and giving into cravings. This was a back and forth in my body & head, a fight between want and will vs hunger and stress.
How did I break the cycle?
I had to learn to just keep going, not to give up these three things:
(1) Eat Healthy
(2) Exercise 30-45 Minutes 3-4 times weekly
(3) Portion Control (listen to my body, make sure I was eating enough).
Of course, one I started losing fast, half was on purpose and half was because I got very sick and was having stomach issues. I went from being worried I wouldn't lose to worried I would lose too much. One of the first things when losing was my fingers didn't look and feel like my own. I was use to my short and fat fingers, which were now looking longer and skinny. Later I could see my reflection in mirrors and reflections and I didn't look right, my mind couldn't perceive that I wasn't fat anymore, that I was or was becoming skinny. Some of this was also due to hanging skin, which looks like something between fat and not fat… and of course takes time for loose skin to go away. My new body was coming and my old body was going away… and I think when this happens, maybe even when its more slow, our mind has a hard time handling who we perceive ourselves to be and who was actually are in the mirror.
Now, as my stomach heals and I am now focused on maintaining my body weight, my mind seems to be finally aligning my perception with reality. I've also gone from three days cardio and one day strength to two days cardio and two days of strength. I’ve also been working a lot on my mental and spiritual self, along with the physical. Things all along seem to be coming back in to balance after years. Now, these practices and new healthy habits are ones I plan to continue into the future.
Have you ever dealt with issues of perception vs reality?
Have you ever dealt
with weight issues?
- trying to lose,
maintain, or gain?
Female friends who
had children:
Did this come as you
gained during pregnancy and then stayed the same or lost
weight?
Please feel free to comment on FB, on the blog, or message me your thoughts!
~ Single Me
