Two Coffee Dates: Part Two

We both shared stories and asked questions. She told me how she grew up in a home where her mother wouldn’t watch any movie that was R-rated. Of course, we agreed that there are some really good movies that are R-rated. I listed off Lethal Weapon, Braveheart, and then she brought up Fight Club. It is kind of funny because in some weird way I think my heart kind of jumped. The movie is so good because it has so much depth. So, we both talked about our love for the movie and I told her how bad I wanted to read the book.

Our conversation went on from there, talking about family a bit and college life. I told her a bit about some pranks I tried to pull in college until I figured out that while I had a limit, my roommates did not, so I decided pretty early on to accept their pranks but not retaliate lest I be thrown into a never-ending and escalating battle.

What I didn’t tell her was that I did secretly try to think of ways to get them without them knowing: I considered itching powder on their bathroom towels or putting ex-lax in their water or milk (we didn’t share our beverages).

It's SONIC fast!

Honestly I was having such a good time but after an hour I was waiting for the lull in the conversation, much like the lull that happens when you are chatting with someone online or on the phone. I find it is better to try to end the conversation at this point that to carry it on any further, especially when you are just getting to know someone.

So, we decided to part ways and I walked with her outside. As we were walking in separate directions, I let her know that I would be interested in seeing her again. She seemed genuinely happy and told me she would like that. Now, I know realistically that she may have been nice because I put her on the spot; however, I am going to send her a message tonight anyway.

Even if she declines a date, I would totally be fine being friends with her. It has been so hard to meet anyone up here and sometimes this whole online dating thing leaves me with an odd taste, like if we don’t fit, even if they are cool, we just toss that person out of our life.

Maybe it is the introverted part of me, because I only develop a few close friends, so it hurts when they leave and I also hate the idea of investing so much energy into someone only to have it become nothingness. Still, any relationship takes two people, so we will see where things go.

I sometimes think about how arduous this process is, messaging females, barely getting responses for so long, getting rejected, yet trying to remain hopeful. However, I do think rejection from someone you barely know is really a lot less intense than one who is already a friend.

In addition, it is odd that as I have met more females in the last six months than in the last few years. I feel like I am coming to a point in my life where I have to become comfortable being single. For so long I desired someone. It is ironic that now I am putting myself out there. I kind of feel like I am happy with this personal growth but meeting up and going on dates, while progress, do not mean relationships, marriage, or children.

I feel like life and/or God is showing me that I have to be ok with myself where I am at now, that if I cannot be content with who I am, I am never going to be truly happy with someone else. And if I never end up meeting someone, if my focus is purely on finding that person, I will end up sad and depressed and alone.

Therefore, I have been more intentional lately about my faith, my conversations with God, and looking for ways to be more involved at church. I feel like God is doing something in me, helping to make me a better man; yet it isn’t as if I am already changed but like I in a longer and drawn-out process that is happening over time, as small changes are happening. I hope to continue this progress.

~ Single Me

Edit: Female Number Two never did reply to my request for a second date... but this is the way of things I suppose. Still, I press on...

Image: 1 2

Two Coffee Dates: Part One

Anyone reading this, who knows me, is aware I don’t actually drink coffee, so it was really two hot chocolate dates; however, that title didn’t seem catchy enough.

This week, seemingly with a throw of the proverbial dice, I was able to meet with two females. I will call them female one and two. Female One lived outside of town, so I drove to meet her at a Tim Horton’s in a small town. As I waited I started to get the feeling the rough truckers and day laborers were looking at me with my polo shirt and dress pants, wondering what I was doing in their town. I certainly felt out of place.

I waited for what seemed like an eternity for her to arrive, even though it was only a few minutes. Ladies have a real skill at coming in three to ten minutes past the meet up time. There has to be some book that tells them exactly how to do these things, small things, that make us wait and can drive men a little mad, just ever so slightly.

She came in, we shook hands, and said hello. Before we even made it to the register she pulled out her wallet and took out her card. Apparently, I didn’t have to question one bit if she expected me to pay or if she wanted to split. She is a Resident Director for a woman’s dorm with a background working in youth camps; however, over time all the traveling got to be a burden and she wanted something more stable. Like so many others, she had a difficult time finding a job, so, like myself, she found herself moving out of state and a little far from family.

She was nice, at one point trying to correct herself, even though I told her she had no need to apologize, that it was fine. Why do females apologize so much? I actually find is amazing and sad. What, in our culture, makes females feel sorry for the silliest things that they have no need to apologize for? Is it that females are nicer than guys or are they conditioned to be submissive, so saying sorry a lot comes with that conditioning?

We had a good time chatting and later the next day I messaged her to see if she wanted to go on an official date. I was going to offer to pay but wanted to see if she was interested first. A day later she replied that she did not desire a date but wouldn’t mind being friends.

Now, I always want to take people at their word, and since I am a stranger to her, I don’t know why she would feel the need to say this to "ease my pain" so I told her I would enjoy being friends actually (which was true). However, I did put the ball in her court to message me sometime to chat or maybe get together. See, in the past (See my Dating Series) I would always keep trying to contact females who said they wanted to be friends but obviously they did not, so now I've changed my method. Now I think it is perfectly reasonable that the one who did the rejecting should be the one to extend the hand of friendship, not the one who was rejected.

Then today, yes, just a few hours ago I met Female number two. I know, I should really come up with fake names, right? Anyway, from the moment I met her she smiled and well, she was FUN. Female number one was nice but was almost so intellectual it was like she couldn’t really laugh or enjoy herself, it made her pretty intense, like there was a wall between us in our conversation.

This was different…

Different you say, How so?

~ Single Me

Image: 1 2