DANIEL~YOU ARE FAR TOO YOUNG TO ALWAYS BE PISSINGAND MOANING ABOUT LIFE'S LITTLE PROBLEMS,SON. YOU ARE BUT A YOUNG MAN.BE THANKFUL FOR GOD AND HIS BLESSINGS UPON YOU. CONCENTRATE ON THE POSITIVE THINGS IN YOUR LIFE AND REMEMBER THAT IT COULD ALWAYS BE FAR WORSE THAN IT IS!!! GOD BLESS YOU! ~ BubbaI admit it feels like I have been complaining a lot, actually people who know me can attest that I am very vocal about things I do not like or perceive as threats, that is just how I am and am still working on being vocal about life without always focusing on the negative. The only problem is that most of the time when writing I feel like writing during these tough times, usually days when I am not substitute teaching and am left to be with my thoughts for a day, left to once again wonder where my life is going... and do I really trust God to take me there. If one looks back on my postings/blogs they can see that I do have positive blogs but usually if things are going well I am out being productive and hanging with friends and it just seems a lot easier to express myself during those times of worry and negativity than when things are going better.
Well, and actually things have been going better for me. I have a possible job here in town and also two churches who have expressed interest in me, which is great. I just pray to God that I can and will do the things I need to do to keep in contact because I have tend to doubt myself a lot more within the last year. In truth, there has never been a time in my life that has been tougher emotionally (and spiritually) for me and I really do not know sometimes how to handle all the negativity my thoughts bring down on me. Things have been going much better the last few weeks thanks to my job substitute teaching and my friends who bless me very much indeed.
I even admitted to some friends that earlier this month at a men’s prayer breakfast I totally broke down crying because I just could not handle it all. Well, actually it wasn’t the first time I broke down since being back in Abilene. God and I have had plenty of conversations where this happened but this is the first time it has happened in front of people. I find nothing wrong with crying or expressing oneself but usually if it is going to happen I want it to be around certain people. I think that was probably the worst time for me since I came back and things have been progressing since then. I still worry but am trying to push myself forward, trying to distract myself... Sometimes, to be honest, I just lie in my bed and take long naps on days when I do not have jobs or am not hanging out with people.
Finally, there is admitting the impact of an "almost" or potential relationship I had developing this past summer that fizzled. I think seeing some of that potential for a relationship, even if merely for the idea of a great relationship and then having it go up in the air, being rejected and having to then deal with that somehow always affects a person... I think from experience it can affect a person for at least six months, if not a year (and even longer depending on how interconnected you were with the potential other). Sure we try to hide its effects, we can play and pretend like it did not matter or did not even happen - but the truth is it did happen, that it is a part of us and will always be... We have to decide what to do with that part of our self and the only sensible thing is to take that time, be thankful for whatever was good, honest about what was not, and use the knowledge and experience from that time in helping us toward our future. I have to admit that in my life; almost no area is as confusing for me in my spirituality and conversations with God than dating/relationships.
Anyway, I just felt like expressing this and I was looking through some older post from summer until now and having some background helps to open up the meaning of a lot of my posts. My writing is colored by life, but only some know the depths of those, the backgrounds that certainly make a lot of what I have written explode with so much more meaning than me speaking generally.
So, in summary things are going great. Prayers are still very much appreciated as are the friends I have and those people who have and will continue to keep me in their prayers. I still am not sure where God is leading me, where I will be in five years, who I will date or marry, who I will become; however, I do pray that my life may be soaked with the love and the blood of Christ Jesus…
Romans 14:20-21
Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised.
1 Peter 5:10-11
And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.
To the Glory of God
In Christ
~ Daniel
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